Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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