last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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