Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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