Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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