I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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