"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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