found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
