I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
