I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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