I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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