I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
