He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
