He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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