I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
