i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
