You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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