it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
