Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize