i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
