I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
