so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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