I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
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I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
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I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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