Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
