Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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