6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
