we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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