I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
