Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
