Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
