My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
