Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
