She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
where am i from again
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
