Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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