I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
