pedialite and red bull = repair kit
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
