i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize