Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So many bounce houses so little time
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
