I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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