Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
