I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
