Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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