to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
