i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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