The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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