For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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