thus making me awesome and them whores
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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