Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
