its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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