You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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