So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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