take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize