I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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