you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
