I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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