I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm both gender and math confused
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
