So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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