Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
