I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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