video games are the ultimate cock blocker
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
