Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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