We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
