considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
