I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being pregnant is like rehab
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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