Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
How naked do you want me to be?
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