When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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