Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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