every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you would pick up someone in the library
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
