Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
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My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
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me + whiskey = a bad person
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i now understand why vodka
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.