I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
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nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
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Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.