it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
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DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
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I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick