"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME