Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER