Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
