The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i think i just lost a toe
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
