Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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