her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
