Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
